Digital Jokes

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill ' s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash......twice a day.

2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

Jealous

Photo on the Bedside Table

After a night of making love the guy notices a photo of another
man on the woman's bedside table by the bed.

He begins to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.

'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.

'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.

'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

'No, no, no! You are so cute when you're jealous!' she answers.

'Well, who in the heck is he, then?' he demands.

She whispers in his ear, 'That's me before the surgery'

F1 Button comes off again

I just love this simple little joke. Good luck Jenson and Lewis of course !

Premature Solicitation

Dr Misner even got a mention in the Telegraph about
the latest problems in social media: Premature solicitation

Its actually not a joke in anyway but a great networking tip. It made me laugh alot so its in here ! What a term !

He also told a story about going onto a chat show straight after the Village People who had blown the house away......his slot on networking was looking a little shaky following on from YMCA being sung by the whole aidience on their feet !

He did however blow the house away in a much more effective way !

But that will have to wait for another post !

Jokes

There are two types of people: Those who walk into a room and say,'Well,here I'm,' and those who walk into a room and say,'Ah there you are.'

Jokes

We must do lunch sometimes the polite euphemism for,'I don't care if I never see you again'

It's easier to shoot your wife than to have to shoot a different man every week.

Brains are never a handicap to a girl if she hides them under a see-through blouse.

jake a day

A cowboy and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.
He said, "We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a good strong bed."
The clerk winked, "You want the 'Bridal'?"
The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied, "Nope, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."

Is laugh all we can do ?

There are 2000 known terrorist suspects in the UK that are allowed to remain free to plot and action terrorist plots.

Now thats funny !

Write to your MP and tell them you are not laughing !

Exchange Rate Management

I guess we all need a few laughs in this time of financial turmoil.
I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me,
an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for pounds. It was obvious
she was a little irritated. . . . .

She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat pounds fo yen.
Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change ?'

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'

The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!''